The terrible day

I woke up this morning.

My butt was hurting.

I had a feeling something bad was going to happen.

Usually my butt aches in the morning from butt poundings from Father.

But my butt wasn't aching.

It was hurting today.

Oh dear God.

Something terrible is going to happen.

Mother barged in.

She told me to get the fuck up and dressed up.

I smiled at her.

She used nice language this morning.

Usually she'd say worse things.

Which is weird.

Because today was suppose to be terrible.

But Mother wasn't acting terrible at all.

Strange.

Very strange.

Father then walked in.

He had something behind his back.

I had an idea what it was.

Usually it's a long purple object that shakes like a phone does when someone texts you.

He sticks it up my buttocks.

He tells me it's what nurses do to patients to make sure they can poop right.

Apparently father tells me I've been pooping wrong a lot lately ever since I was born.

I don't want to argue with him though.

Father's been my nurse and doctor ever since I was born.

Father says he learned about this stuff on the web.

The spider web in our backyard that Father eats that gives him hallucogenic visions.

And I was right.

It was the purple object.

Accompanied by some strange capsules.

Father told me to take them.

I asked why.

He told me because he's having other doctors and nurses to come and examine me for about an hour.

Then came in a really big bald guy with a purple muscle shirt with the word LUCKY on it.

He spoke to me.

His voice sounded like Samuel L Jackson.

"You feeling lucky boi?"

I felt reassured.

I like his voice.

It reminded me of Samuel L Jackson.

Oh I wish Samuel L Jackson could've had his way with me.

I'd love for him to stick his snakes in my plane.

I took the pills without hesitating.

I fell asleep right away.

I woke up in my room.

Except I think I was dreaming.

Because I noticed that a heffalump was sitting in the corner of my room.

I don't like heffalumps.

Which made me realized something.

I'm in a nightmare.

The heffalump walked up to me and offered me drunkened apples with a glass of Red Bull.

How did he know I liked drunkened apples with redbull on the side?

This nightmare is getting worse.

And then he showed me something.

Something very hideous.

Something so freaking hideous.

It was a picture of Emmoar and Janice holding hands.

It freaked me out so much.

Because I hate it when girls touch.

I hate girl on girl.

I think it's disgusting.

Actually.

I hate girls.

Period.

I was screaming out loud.

Really loud.

So loud that the heffalump's head exploded into confetti.

The confetti touched my skin.

My skin turned into warm fuzzy socks.

Oh my god.

This nightmare is getting worse.

Because the fuzzy socks were seafoam blue colored.

I hate seafoam blue.

I screamed out louder.

and louder.

and louder.

and loudr.

and LOUDER.

Then I woked up.

I was laying face down.

Which was weird.

Because I remember being faced up.

And something even weirder.

I didn't remember having my pants down.

And something a lot weirder than that happened.

A big fat man with the pink muscleshirt with the word Lucky on it that sounded like Samuel L Jackson was laying on top of me with his pants off too sweating a giant cloud of sweat and grease and drool accompanied by a strong husky scent of love making mixed with a hint of farts.

And something a lot more weirder than that happened.

I was on top of Father.

Oh.

My.

God.

I've never been on top of Father before.

Today can't be a terrible day.

Today HAD to have been a good day.

But what was up with my dream.

I forgot what I dremt about.

Until Father had a elephant earring in his right ear.

HEFFALUMPS.

I REMEMBERED NOW.

I pushed the man on top of me away.

I held my dad and put him in his bed.

And then I proceeded to put a blanket and a pillow over him.

I kissed him good morning.

Then I ran outside and into the park.

Janice and Emmoar liked playing in the park.

I don't know why though.

They said it's better than being at home where bad things happened.

I don't know what's so bad about their home though.

They told me they had wolves there.

I like wolves though.

Especially when they gnaw on your special area and you had to get a new one from the doctors that Father hires.

And then I saw them. Janice was trying to push Emmoar off the swing.

She didn't had any luck though.

Emmoar glued her butt to the seat.

I don't know why she does that.

I remember Father told me that Emmoar was a bit special in the head.

And then I remember Mother told me she was just fucking stupid.

I remember ignoring what MOther said though.

Because I like it when the word special is used.

It makes people feel good.

That's why I always tell Emmoar that she's special whenever I remember about that moment.

Which is now.

I walked up to Emmoar and told her she was special.

She drooled on Janice's head.

Then they said Hi to me.

I ignored their Hi's.

I told them about the awful dream I had with the two of them holding hands.

They said ew.

I said ew.

Then I noticed Janice was dressed weird.

She dressed really weird.

She had a blue robe on.

Like she was a blue wizard or something.

And she had a blue hat on too.

With a rope on the end.

I laughed at her.

She wasn't laughing back.

I asked her why did she dressed so funny.

Janice told me she graduated.

I asked her what's graduated.

She told me that's when you finished hischool and you go to college right away.

Weird.

I've never heard of graduated before.

I always thoguht you'd be in hischool forever and ever because it's the best years of the rest of your life.

I asked her when she was leaving for college.

Emmoar burped.

She burped out the word Sunday.

Janice howled that awful hiena lalugh of hers.

That's weird.

Today.

Is.

Sunday.

Janice is leaving today.

My lips curled upward.

Today can't be a bad day.

It can't be a bad day at all.

The girl that's been crazy about me.

Since the first time I blogged about her.

Is going away forever.

Tears fell down my face.

I licked them up.

They were delicious.

Janice was sad though.

She told me she is going to miss everyone even though they won't miss her.

Then she held her arms out like she wanted to hug me.

I hissed like a snake and grabbed some grass and threw it at her.

She asked what's wrong.

I told her I don't like her!

she said today's her last day and she just wants a hug.

I don't like hugs.

Hugs are evil.

It said so in the Bible father wrote to me.

Janice was sad.

She was real sad.

I can tell.

Because her orange skin turned blue.

Ew.

Blue.

I tapped her on the shoulder.

That's how I hug.

She walked away leavinag me and Emmoar on the swing.

Emmoar was still drooling and breathing heavily.

How did I know?

My feet were soaked in it.

It smelle grotesque.

But it tasted good.

There's no way that today can be horrible.

I grabbed a handfuls of it and carried it home.

I gave some to Father and Mother.

Mother said this tasted like shit.

Father said this would make good loob.

I don't knowk what loob is.

But all I know is that after Father is done with me he told me to whipe up all the extra loob.

Whatever it is.

I kept eating them.

They were delicious.

Then I left to get a drink of some diet dog piss.

Then something happened at that moment that I didn't found out until I wrote this blog.

Father slipped some spider web into my Emmoar Drool Porridge.

Anyways.

I came back and ate it.

Then I had hallucogenic visions.

I saw Jesus.

I'm serious.

I saw Jesus.

He was hovering over me.

He was glowing too.

He was radiant.

His long beautiful hair went down to his shoulders.

I tried to speak to him.

But I couldn't.

Whenever I spoke I garbled and mumbled.

It was strange.

I looked up.

As I inspected again.

I realized why.

His 9 foot long penis was stuck in my mouth.

Jesus whipped it out and stood on the ground.

He had something to tell me.

He told me that I can't let Janice leave.

I asked him why and then I told him how ugly she is and how orange isn't a natural skin color and she needs to die off so her jeans won't get passed on to her kids.

She really does have horrible tastes in jeans.

He told me that she's the chosen one.

I said what.

He repeated again that she was the chosen one.

I whiped the white fluids off of my ears from the pink shirted man and asked him to repeat it again.

He told me that she's the chosen one.

I said chosen for what.

He said that Janice Dullivan is chosen to be God's new voice to speak to his children.

I said why did he pick her.

Jesus told me that he couldn't find any one of his creations that had such an annoying loud voice that could catch the attention of others easily until he found out about her on craigslist.

Apparently God found out about that time I posted a want ad on Craigslist about Janice.

It was a want ad about needing help exterminating a really loud annoying chick that needs to learn how to shut up.

Jesus told me that since she likes me, I can persuade her easily to stay.

I asked him why does it matter if she stays or leaves.

Jesus told me that our city was built on a mass indian burial site.

I asked him what does that have to do with it.

Jesus told me that God created indians so that they can make curry and fight cowboys.

I asked again what does that have to do with it.

Jesus told me that God likes to eat curry and play cowboys vs indians.

I asked why.

Jesus told me to shut the fuck up and stop asking questions.

I silenced myself.

Then JEsus told me that God wants to come down to our city only and no where else because they're shit and he should've blew them up.

He told me that if he decides to blow up the other cities he can't blow them up with Janice in them because he needs her.

I was confused so I said okay.

Jesus told me I have an hour to stop her.

I asked why.

Jesus grabbed his 9 foot penis and told me he was going beat me with it if I don't shut up.

I said okay.

I've been beatened with penises before.

But nothing over 2 foot tall before.

I don't want to mention about the 1 and the 11th foot penis that slapped me before.

I really don't want to mention it.

ANYWAYS and then Jesus told me I have to do it or else.

I said or else what.

He told me he'd turn me into a hipster.

I was freaking out.

I can't be a hipster.

I don't want to be a hipster.

A hipster is basically a grown up version of an emo.

I don't want to grow up yet.

I said yes right away.

He said good.

He he put his hands together and nodded his head.

Then he dissapeared.

I got out of my seat and ran out to the park right away.

Today is turning out somewhat terrible.

I saw Emmoar at the park.

She was still sitting there glued.

She said Hi Andy.

She was still breathing loud.

The entire sand aroudn her was caved in water.

It was like she's stuck on an island or something.

I asked her where's Janice.

She told me that Janice is at home right now.

I was about to dash right away to go get her.

But Janice let out a cry.

The cry that you usually hear Orca Whales do.

I understood the language though.

Because I watched all of the Free Willies.

She wanted to be rescued.

I didn't hesitate.

I grabbed my trusty emo knife and climbed up the swing set, cut the chains, and carried her to Janice's house by the chains.s

I was the horse of the chariot.

She was the roman general that's whipping me and telling me where to go.

Except I know where I'm going.

And she doesn't.

We got to Janice's house.

There was a truck outside.

Weird that there was a truck outside.

I looked inside the truck.

There was a bunch of Janice related things.

I had to put a stop to this right away.

I grabbed a bunch of gasoline and doused all over the stuff and lit it on fire.

Emmoar was screaming and hollaring.

I looked at her.

She was sweating abnormally a lot.

Her tears were streaming down her face.

I couldn't tell whether she was crying or trying to breathe really loudly and annoyingly.

I tried to calm her down by telling her she was special.

But she pushed me into the open flame.

That dirty bitch.

Then Janice came out and used her gorilla strength to save me from the flames.

I was thinking about why Janice pushed me in there.

I was wondering why.

Then I remembred.

She almost died last time whenss she was set on fire.

Whoops.

My bad.

Janice looked at me.

She looked mad.

I knew.

Because her skin turned as red as the flames.

She yelled at me asking what I did that for.

I told her that I did it to keep her here.

Her mouth dropped.

I think she was surprised.

I should've told her about Jesus telling me that God wants her to be here so he can keep her and have her be his new voice.

But I didn't.

She ran up and hugged me.

It burnt.

It burnt my skin a lot.

I piushed her away right away.

She was squealing and squeaking.

She was so happy that she didn't get to go.

She said she didn't want to go.

She was going because she couldn't win my love.

She doesn't know it yet but I don't have any love in it.

That's the bad part about being emo.

She told me she was so happy.

I was like sure whatever.

Then Jesus came back out through the bush.

I was freaking out.

I knew he was coming back.

Oh my god.

I hope he doesn't slap me with his dick.

Jesus told me that I've done a very good job and god will be pleased.

Yes.

Today's not going to be horrible and I won't get my face slapped by a 9 foot penis.

And then it happened.

The cops showed up and arrested him.

The cops said that they were looking for a phony that's been impostering as Jesus and trying to get little kids to his so called heaven and cut their limbs off.

I was shocked.

I could've really got rid of Janice Dullivan once and for all.

Janice told me she's staying forever now that she knows that I love her.

Then my butt hurt.

This is why today was going to be terrible.

No.

Now everyday is going to be terrible.

Because Janice is staying.

For good.

I heard a husky breathing down my back.

It was Emmoar.

Smiling at me.

She was missingn two teeth.

It was kind of gross.

So I did what I had to do.

I jumped in the fire and pretended I was dead and moved to Alabama.

Pet pillows

I was sitting at home on the coach.

I don't do that very often.

Whenever I get the chance to get anywhere near the couch, father makes me lay facedown on it and he rests his buttocks on me.

So being able to sit instead of laying made me happy.

A little.

Just a little.

I was watching TV and saw a commercial for pet pillows.

It was about little kids where they turned a pet into a pillow.

I was amazed.

Really amazed.

Okay.

Maybe just a little amazed.

Just a little.

I haven't had a pet for a long time.

My goldfish died a while ago.

If you remember.

I have pillows though.

Lots of pillows.

The reason why I have a lot of pillows is that my mom brings home pillows from clients at the hotels she works at.

She's a loving mother.

She brings home at least 15 pillows a day from 15 different clients.

They smell kind of funny.

But I think that's the smell of love.

Because that's also what father smells like whenever he tries to tuck me in bed.

So now I really really really really really really really really really really really really want a pet pillow.

I called the number within the next 15 minutes and someone picked up.

It was a white person trying to act ghetto.

How did I know?

Because she was trying too hard.

I asked her about the pet pillow and she said

"AM SORRY WHO THE FUCK IS YOUS? TALKIN TO ME LIKE YOU WANT SOMETHIN I OUGHTA-"

I hung up on her right away.

She sounded too tough over the phone.

I called the number again.

Except this time it was an indian person.

Not the indian where my handsomly manly ancestors took their land and had their way with them.

I'm talking about the indian where they breed like crack bunnies.

"HALLUH MA'AM HOW KUN I HALP U TIS EHVENINGUH"

I whispered on the phone how I very much wanted a pet pillow.

"WELL HUWDEH DOO MA'AM I KUN HALP U GIT DA PEHT U WUNT, JUS HULDUN A MINUD"

I was waiting.

and dwaiting.

and waiting.

and waiting.

and waiting.

and waiting.

then he came back.

"WELL MA'AM I KUNFURM DAT WE DEW HAF SUM PEHT PILLOHS, WIJ WUN DO U WUN?"

I told him I wanted the penguin.

Reason why I wanted one was because it reminded me of the movie with the dancing penguin.

I really like that movie.

Dancing penguins made me feel a little happy inside.

Just a little.

"OH A'M SORI MA'AM WE HAF JUS RAHN OUD OF PANGWINS, I HAB SUM PAHNDAHS FO U DOH, WULD U LIEK A PANDAH ENSTED?"

I felt insulted.

Very insulted.

How can a smelly curry loving man understand my love and passion for penguins, especially penguins that can turn into pillows and dance?

I started coming at his accent and his 2 dollar an hour job and if he doesn't get me my penguin I'm going to eat a cow.

"OHNO MA'AM PLEESE DO NAUT DO DAT, I LOF KOWS N I DUN WUN U TEW EET DAT SECKSY ASS AMINAL BUHT A'M SORI WE JUS HAF NO MO PANGWINS"

I cried on the phone.

I cried so hard.

He was spazzing out about how his earpiece got wet from my magical emo tears.

Then there was a knock on the door.

I opened it.

It was mother.

She had a pet pillow.

It was a red penguin pet pillow.

I smiled so hard, a baby was born.

An emo baby was born.

I grabbed it really quick without even asking where she got it.

It smelled like love like it always do.

With a mix of a funky odor.

Then I overheard my mom say that she was at a client's house and they were conducting business in her room and she used the pet pillow to absorb her monthly fluids by putting it underneath her.

At first I was shocked.

Shocked at the fact that my mom cared for me that she'd give me a piece of her in the pet pillow.

I hugged it really tight.

and then I hugged her.

Just so I can give her back a piece of love that she gave me.

Last day of Summer with Emmoar and Janice

I wanted to sleep today because I knew that school is starting tommorow.

I didn't wanna go back because I knew that mr. rawrrawr is expecting detention with me on the first day, and he's always cuddly with me and stuff.

He's a pretty selfish guy underneath the desk.

I got a phonecall from Janice.

That heyena laughing whore.

She was like, "ANDY ANDY ANDY! UHMMM UHHH DO YOU WANNA PLAY WITH ME AND MY BESTEST FRIEND EMMOAR?"

"WE'RE GONNA LIKE HAVE LOTS AND LOTS OF FUN BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS SO I WAS JUST WONDERING IF YOU WANNA FUCK-- NO I MEAN PLAY WITH US!"

She said fuck.

She can't resist me.

She wants me.

I told her Yeah, fuck yeah I wanna go.

Then she says,

"YEAH! LIKE THAT'S LIKE TOTALLY AWESOME. GO MEET ME BY THE PARK. HEHEHEHHEHHEHEHEHHEHEHHEHHEHHEHEHEHHE"

I might get to fuck her friend too.

I've been thinking about fucking alot today.

I think I'm starting to turn straight again after not being around father for a really long time.

Mommy says that he's going to prison for a really long time for not wearing pants when he was walking me inside the DOTS.

Later I went to the park where they wanted me to meet up.

It was a prety bright and sunny day.

I hate this kinda weather.

There's always some happy sappy people in the park at this time.

I really hate those kinda people, being around them ruins my foundation and it like, totally destroys my skin.

I saw a really annoying orange skinned girl with super nappy green hair wearing white overalls skipping over here singing.

It was Janice.

I haven't seen her since I made her get HIV.

She was holding hands with a really large snowglobe.

I think it was a snowglobe.

I had a hard time seeing her face, so I didn't know what she looked like.

Her clothes were really tight and tiny, I think they were like 4 X's too small for her.

She really had a bad choice of colors too, she had hot pink shorts while wearing a brown furry fur coat.

You could see the stretch marks on her belly, and you can also see the scum and graffiti aroudn it too.

Janice skipped over to me and started laughing.

"HEHEHHEHEHEHHEHEHEHE HELLO ANDY, WE'RE HERE!"

Emmoar was breathing really hard, it sounded like it was echoing throughout the park.

"UHM, *BREATHS* HEY THERE, *BREATHES*"

Everytime she breathed the air got really moist and warm, and it smelled like baked beans too.

I didn't wanna be here anymore.

The atmosphere was foul and bad.

It stank too.

Janice grabbed my hand and started giggling.

"COMMON, LETS GO DOWN TO THE CREEK SO WE CAN STARE AT BIRDS HEHEHHEHHEHHEHEHHEE"

I love staring at birds.

It's like staring at cocks.

NOOOOO IM GAY AGAIN>

We were walking really fast down the hill.

We left Emmoar behind.

She took two steps every 5 minutes.

By the time we got there, we already wasted 3 hours.

Shanice pushed me to the bench because I was resisting her.

It was fine though, I always resist to do something.

Daddy liked it when I resist.

He says I'm more of a challenge instead of being easy unlike those other kids in the church playground.

Emmoar kept trying to get into the lake to get ahold of the ducks.

She was reall afraid of the water.

Janice told me that one time she got in the city pool, she permanently polluted it.

The City wasn't able to clean up the pool because there was some radiocative bacteria living there and once you step foot in it, the giant squid comes out and rips off your limbs.

I want my limbs to be ripped off.

That way I can use my leg to stick it up my ass.

Emmoar got ahold of a duck and started eating it. Raw.

Janice kept biting my ear and kept groping my chest.

She kept telling me how I'm a dirty boy and how she'll wanna iron my panties.

I got turned on when she told me she wanted to iron my panties.

Emmoar got really bored and was screaming at us.

"I WANNA GO BOWWWLLIINNNNNGGGGGGG"

She then fell on her back and started rolling up the hill and landed right back on her feet.

Janice kept holding my hand.

It was getting annoyihng because the orange paint from her skin is rubbing off on me.

We all walked down to the AL'S BOWLING ALLEY.

I never really liked this place because Al is allowing giant balls to be rolled down the alley.

I really liked it when they rolled down my throat.

Once we got in there Emmoar wanted to go bowl first.

She picked up the ball and was sweating blood and grease all over it.

She tilted over to let the ball go out of her hands and it rolled slowly down the aisle.

My lap was really sweaty too.

Only becuase Janice was sitting on my lap and her booty juice was getting all over me.

I took a sip of that booty juice every now and then but then sometimes I spit it out when I tasted menstrul blood.

Her laugh was so horrible.

"HEHEHEHEHEHEHE DO YOU LIKE IT ANDY??????? DO YOU LIKE IT???????"

Al saw that the entire place was getting really sweaty and bloody and he was screaming at us.

He kept yelling about how we're scaring away the customers and how he slipped and fell on a lake of red and brown liquid.

We didn't know what he meant by brown liquid til we looked at Emmoar's jeans.

Emmoar got really angry at Al because those are the only pair of jeans she own that is big enough to fit 30 hippos.

She started screaming and shouting and deafening the ears of the deaf orphans who live next door.

Emmoar grabbed the bowling ball in the aisle and smashed it on Al's head and his guts were exploding everywhere.

Everywhere in Emmoar's mouth.

I really couldn't see anything because Janice kept jumping up and down the seat and kept calling me Santa Clause and wanted to get the presents in my bag.

By bag she meant my pants.

A little deaf orphan boy ran into the place and was screaming and shouting,

"AHHHHH I WANNA GO TO THE CARNIVAL OUTSIDE"

We hurry-edly ran outside because we heard that there was a carnival outside.

Janice grabbed my head and Emmoar was on 23 skateboards.

As we arrived to teh carnival there was really pretty balloons and clowns and popcorn and horsepoo.

It just reminded me of the time that momm promised that she would take me to the carnival if I would fix the sattelite dish so she can get dressed in her business suit for PPV.

Janice kept eyeballing me again.

This is too much attention coming from a beautiful beast like her.

I saw Emmoar trying to pop balloons with a dart and she injured 4 workers in the stand already.

I like chicks who can injure people by accident.

I told Janice if she can get me lubricant and some rubber gloves and to meet me behind the elephant cages.

She left as soon as I said the word "some"

I walked up to Emmoar while checking her 5th breast for any lumps.

I was feeling on those wet booty cheeks of her as they were absorbing my hand.

Emmoar turned aroundand tried to stare atme.

She tried but she couldn't even look at her own feet.

I quickly jumped on top of her and was quickly performing the PELVIC THRUSTT.

Emmoar was roaring and breathing fireballs and tried to get me off her back.

She swang around and tried to twist her tail to whip me off and tried to spread her wings to see if I can pop out.

But it was too late.

I came.

Janice came back and started screaming when she saw this.

She was like,

"EMMOAR YOU FUCKING WHORE"

She grabbed a pretzal and broke it.

Emmoar got really furious.

she was charging at Janice, while I was still on her back.

Janice started to claw and pinch Emmoar with her sharp wolf-like nails.

Emmoar was just spewing naval juices at Janice, hoping that the acid will slowly digest her so that she'll become easier to eat.

I got off of Emmoar's now wet back and screamed STOPP!!!

Janice took the fist out of Emmoar's vagina and stopped.

Then I started my first quotation speaking that I don't think that I've done in a while.

"Look guys, I learned something today.

You shouldn't fight over me, because I'm lovable.

There's enough of me to go around once the little nerdy asian kid in class is able to create a cloning device."

Janice started tearing up orange stuff.

Emmoar started tearing up oily stuff.

The sunlight shined on Emmoar's tears and she lit up on fire.

Janice jumped in to try to save her but ended dying along with Emmoar.

In the end, I jerked off to everything.

The shirtless man

I went school shopping today by myself.

Mom was busy taking her male clients to hotels to check out which rooms they would like to "talk" business in and dad was laying in the bathtub upside down.

I walked 15 blocks to Wal-Mart because it has incredibly nice savings that won't pinch my emo wallet.

When I walked into the store a man with frizzy hair and glasses walked up to me and greeted me.

"Hello, welcome to walmart!" His last words were.

I was so terrified.

He had a strange look in his eyes.

He was turned on by my feminine features.

I stuck my hand in my pocket.

Then I pulled my emo knife and sliced his throat and blood was gushing everywhere all over the nice clean tiled floor.

I stuck the knife back in my pocket and quietly walked inside the apparels section.

I was looking for some really skinny jeans and really tight shirts that shows off my curves.

I found this really nice pair of jeans call MUDD.

It was really cute, it had flowers on the booty part of it.

I took the jeans and asked the lady if I could go into the fitting room.

She looked at me and said, "Aren't you the guy that the security guys are looking for that's a threat lvl 5?"

I did my little queer hand movement and told her that only one person can use that pickup line on me and that's my dominatrix clients.

She gave me the little plastic thing to hang out by your door.

She told me room 5 is empty.

So I walked into room 5 and placed the little thingy by the doorknob.

As I began to pull my pants down, I saw something.

It was a man  facing in front of me, with his shirt off.

He was a really skinny, with a 5 o clock shadow whos balding in the front and has alot of hair on his chest and arms.

He looked at me and said 

"Hey, isn't this the ladies dressing room?"

I looked around and saw a bunch of chick magazines and thongs on the ground. I peeked out the door and saw girls walking into dressing rooms.

I guess the lady stuck me in the ladies dressing room because of my feminine features.

He was glaring at me really hard, scoping me up and down at my awesome curves.

"So uhhh.. What's up"

I told him sup.

He told me to lift my shirt up.

I told him no.

He asked me why not.

I told him I was shy.

He said common, he's pretty hawt.

and indeed, he was hawt.

so I lifted up my shirt to show him my scars

he jumpe and freaked.

he yelled, "WHAT THE FUCK??? ARE YOU LIKE A ZOMBIES OR SOMETHING??"

I told him that sometimes when I don't feel like cutting my wrists that I try to take my organs out.

He started freaking out and started rubbing on himself.

He kept yelling "GOING INTO MY HAPPY PLACE, GOING INTO MY HAPPY PLACE"

and then he ran out screaming and crying.

The employees were shouting out, "LOOK ITS THAT KILLER!"

They jumped him and beated the crap out of him.

Ran out of cheetohs

I was sitting in the couch one hot summer day because people like me who wear black alot get sunburnt really badly.

It's like, not my fault that my skin is so pale and sensitive to the sunlight.

Mother wouldn't buy me sunscreen because she thinks it's a crime to walk around with white stuff rubbed all over your boday.

It's funny though because she has white stuff all over her mouth most of the time but she's never been arrested before for it.

I was sitting on the couch watching Buffy the Vampire slayer.

My dad recorded these when I was younger, to keep me preoccupied when he's out jerking off behind Dairy Queen.

I was sitting there, munching on cheetos.

I really like cheetohs.

I love rubbing the oranginess on my shirt after I stick them past my dry chapped lips, and into my wet, moist mouth.

I also love sticking them in my hair, so that it'll look like hairclips.

I also like stucking a whole bunch in my pants so that every guy out there in the world will know that I have a big package that god delivered.

As I was sticking my hand in the bag for more cheetohs, I couldn't find any.

I dug my hand deeper, and deeper into the bag, fisting it reall hard to find any bits of cheetohs that I can find.

I started sweating alot, then I spread my fingers out and fingered it as much as possible, even if my fingernails are dirty and orange.

After a half an hour of cheetoh digging, I gave up.

There's no more cheetohs.

I started crying real bad.

Like, really really really really bad.

At first I was like, WHAAA WHAAA WHAAA WHAAA WHAA WHAAAAA WHAA WHAAA HWAAAA

then later I was like SNIFF SNIFF HEEE HEE SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF HEE HEE

then after that I was like TEETEEETEEETEEETEEETEEETEEETEEEETEEEEEETEEEEETET

My parents came home from counseling and saw me laying on the ground.

My dad looked at me and said "He's getting ready for later. Better get that ass warmed up."

Mom looked at me and said "WHAT THE FUCK IS YOU FUCKIN DOIN TO MY MONDAY-FRIDAY RUG YOU PIECE OF SHITZOFRENSIC DISORDER"

Then, there I noticed it.

My mom had a bag of Cub Foods in her right hand.

I sniffed and sniffed.

I walked over there and whiffed the bag.

I smelled cheetohs.

She slammed the bag in my face and told me to get the fuck out her sight.

Then after I opened the bag, I came.